TT_TT

aite.. feb..

my mother's bday.. and my god mum's birthday..

hmm..

today it's a day that i went for a quick peep at the shoe..

yea.. i am almost prepared for the annually snowball..

hmm.. kind of satisfy with the suit..

leather snow.. drove me kinda crazy.. that's why i was off to the mall for it.

well.. non of it i like it..

a few from BOSS looks good but not comfy for me.. hmph!

shoe! the reason for me to get the ideal comfy of shoe is!! i dun want any shoe which is not comfy turns my mood into cranky and affect my backside! ya! backside spin! lolx..

ok la now!

continue..

i dunno what to say la now!

how?

oh ya! any suggestion for leather shoe?

tell me!!!!!!

PLEASE!!! thx!, kam sia!, tor cheh!, nan derik!, danke!, terima kasih!, gum sa mi da!, gracias!

nice?

do not wish to break these promises in future

I promise myself,
to be strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
to talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person i meet.
to make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
to look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
to think only of the best, to work only for the best
and to expect only the best.
to be just as enthusiastic about the success of
others as i am about my own.
to forget the mistakes of the past
and press on the greater achievements of the future.
to wear a cheerful expression at all times
and give a smile to every living creature i meet.
to give so much time to improving myself that i
have no time to criticize others.
to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
to think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words, but in great deeds.
to live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,
so long as i am true to the best that is in me.

2ouwehg[wuvh r[89w3hr[iwofwe;jbc

when i got back from ny..
hmm..
i am glad..
glad that i am back.. like.. huhu!
haha..
okay so..!
let's see..
as i see 2 friend of mine is going back to their place that they should be at..
okay..
i am pretty sad for that..
so i decided to cook bak kut teh!!
yeah baby!!
BAK KUT TEH!!!
as my car.. something wrong.. dunno which part..
clutch, oil cooler, filter..
something wrong la.. lazy to check..
then derrick (my mum's mike tyson), helped me to bought a few pork loin & ribs..
and here my cooking goes..
boild a...
deng! put all the spices in..
and cook a..
cut those pork untill my egg 1 side big 1 side small!
was thinking to put mushroom!
micheal dun take it..
so i didn't!
yea!!
micheal.. a very quiet person..
with his own personality..
i like the way he's in..
he looked cool! with a nice body shape!
and yea.. he is a good fighter!
i don't know..
when i see him..
i just can feel something is not right in him..
but he looked like good..
haha..
so.. he get the biggest bowl of it..
i am kind of afraid that he don't get full with the food!
finally he is satisfy...
i mean not finally..
he is satisfy with it!
my friend said..
jimmy..
don't looked like what and smell like it suppose to be..
i paused..
yea.. i know..
and i don't know why..
was like.. wtf!
my friend said..
you should start to cook again!
i was like.. yea..
it's been so long i didn't cook..
months!
i don't really think i can make a perfectly done tiramisu like i did 2 years ago..
let see.. what should i put in my menu list for the coming dishes i am going to cook!
HMPH!!!
IDEAS!! Pleassssssee
okay.. fine..
i think i know what the fuck i should be doing..
but now i am thinking..
fuck! after this sem! i am so gonna travel around!
yea! travel!
and continue with my intern!!
and summer for classes!! and travel!!
gosh!
money!! drop into my pocket please!!!

.............................................................

a bunch of people in ktv..
as drinking goes on...
i felt.. i am having all the world..
yet.. the things i wanted to most... happiness..
i don't know ever since when..
trust.. seems to be hard for me..
no matter how hard i tried.. there's doubt in me...
even tho.. it is as easy as to be said in happiness and trust..
but this 2 words..
seems like killing me when i put my courage in it..
by looking at peoples who are having it..
yet do not appreciate it....
i kills me.. deeply!
i admit that, there's no way for me to trust anyone.. but only a few.. sadly
not those people who are close to me..
yet just kind of a friend or a stranger...
i found that.. why am i being so hard to put my trust to those people who are always there for me...
as my emotional out of control..
tears i dropped..
i appreciate that you rang my door bell..
as a friend of you...
you pulled me out from no where..
you did something that nobody would ever done..
i appreciate that..
another friend of mine..
scolded me..
saying things out which that is hard for me to accept..
yet..
i realize..
you guys are always there for me..
you texted me..
saying that.. you all worried and love me as a friend..
it made me so helpless..
an ego looking me..
with a strong and hard shell looking me..
seems to be..
with a weakest heart..
which lack of trust towards people...
i hide my unhappniess..
faked with a smile..
i thought i am good enough to hide it..
yet.. you've seen it..
altho i didn't say anything and express anything out..
maybe.. i just want to solve it by myself..
as a man..
i should be standing strong..
but as a human being..
i am with my weaknesses and a shoulder needed when i come..
i appreciate all the cares..
still restless and helpless when i couldn't find a perfect shoulder for me to lay my unhappiness on it..
you saved me..
you guys loved me..
i really appreciate that..
i guess..
the lesson for me right now is to learn how to trust..
maybe trust is like virginity.. once you lose it.. you will never get it back..
or maybe.. i've trust someone.. and i've been let down by that individual..
maybe.. i dun have any courage to trust anymore..
this had been haunted me for decades..
tears i've dropped..
wondering why am i deserving this type of treatment..
i knew i can get whatever i want..
just a happiness and trusting over peoples..
is the courage i dun even have..
i hate myself for being like this..
i just don't get it..
after decades of struggling..
somehow.. i just wanted to hide myself..
i could said.. my life is full of blacks and greys..
when i looked at my clothes..
i just realize..
black, white and grey.. is the color that i paint in my life..
years ago..
i've painted it pink and purple..
years later.. it faded into blacks and greys...
i don't know..
maybe.. just a little bit more of struggle..
i could found my perfect answer..
or maybe..
i'ill never...

dancing fingers on the keyboard.... typing something.. from my braincells.. without structure!

i've been staring at this screen for sometime..
thinking deeply what should i write after a few days off from my new room and the school area..
yea.. been to several beaches as my favourite.. with bunch of friends..
as the day i made this decision..
that was the day i dun even know whether i could make it..
since i opened up my eye.. i must go out and travel..
i tried.. lot of ways..
it doesn't seems to be right after all..
as the day i reached..
as i goes up to the cab..
here i bounce!
the weather made me feels like i'm home!
yes.. i am home.. the trees.. and buildings.. the cities..
i just can't believe this..
i was kind of lost.. and couldn't think properly..
as i just travel around..
cool now.!
i've been to the mall with the sea side or something like lagoon..
with the view of it..
it pulls several trigger in my braincells..
reflecting everyone.. and reminds me of who am i and what i am up to..
so on.. as walk out from there.. i saw a little farm..
there were 4 piglet and a few animal..
3 in pink and 1 in black..
as i was enjoying looking at the cutie..
i turn around.. looking for you..
i though u were with me..
but i wasn't as stupid as previously..
*listening to ur songs when i am at state and asking you question yet just realize nobody next to me*
fine fine.. you know who you are!
so on..
as i drove.. been to a few beaches..
looking at the sunset..
i was kind of regretted for something i do not even try to do, yet i just let it goes..
remember when we said during june..
we will meet during ur birthday during September..
we said we gonna find a beach.. and watch the sunset..
but end up it just empty..
*the photo i tagged you, is the sunset which i love the most*
okok! dun want to be so eeeewwwwy!
then.. oh yea.. my friends said..
come to miami must eat stone crab..
that restaurant very nice..
uh huuu!
CRABS!
again! reminded me about the 甘香螃蟹 that we ate at the restaurant you brought me to!
i sat down at the sea side..
making holes and holes..
as the wave comes..
it just back in the shape it suppose to be.
ok.. let me express it all out..
i don't want to get this explode!!!
i was sorry when i met you in malaysia..
i hided things from you..
i thought i could hide my unhappiness from you..
yet you sensed it..
i am glad that you accompanied me during the visit i was back to malaysia..
i was sorry to sleep in the cinema.. and snored!! *haha* in front of you!
and brought me for some nice durianz dessert!
and yea! the bak kut teh breakfast!
turtle shape round about..!
somehow.. i took a deep breath..
close up my eyes..
imagine you smile.. *i couldn't, all is the picture of u eating for non stop..*
as i walk along the street..
i stopped and looked..
had a conversation..
yea..
by my right now's situationz...
it's kind of not right..
i am just not being myself..
cause i never struggle when i am who am i suppose to be..
lay down at the beach and looked at the sky..
i am having to much to be done..
i have no time to waste..
yea..
i am glad that u scolded me when i told u i drank naphtha..
alright.. i am fine now.. just a few days my reaction kind of slow and I'm back from vacation!
i called and asked you..
mexico or hawaii..
u said hawaii!!
haha.. fine! let's hawaii!
if u can't then i will pay u a visit during my summer.. to your icy beach!
well.. i still do not know several stuff..
certain places i would like to visit as well.. but probably out of malaysia??
cause malaysia without you.. it's like nothing..
i know u dun like state.. but at LEAST! visit once!!!
ok ok! back to my thingzzzz..
by not letting myself down again..
i need to step up.. and expressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! lo.....
i don't know how and why..
just being clean and clear somehow will just make no sense..
and.. i've been pushed.. to the max..
so.. i need to be harsh?
i don't know why i need to be harsh.. yet just wanted things to be clean and clear..
whatever.. let it be it.. as long as i am being honest to myself..
cause what i need to said.. i've said..
so i can't really think of any unnecessary issue..
how i wished.. someone here..
look at me.. and scream and yell at me..
why i did that..
or why i have to get things into this situation...
owh..
time passed..
thinking over this doesn't help me in future..
so now.. i am thinking over..
MEXICO! HAWAII! MALDIVES!!
but..
mum.. i need more money! lolx..
jk..
and Venice!
this gotta be it!

....

reached kinda on time...
and rushing to the bus terminal wasn't fun at all..
as i reached.. and purchased the bus ticket..
the lady told me.. 5 more min... go now..
okay..
used 1 minutes to reach the terminal..
sad case...
the bus driver said..
we're sorry..
no more place.. next bus at 11.30
i was like..
WTF?!
as i wait..
not fun at all.. sitting down at the bus terminal.. like a so hai..
not on the seat..
it's on the floor..
no seat at all..
aih..
good.. time reached...
as i goes up to the bus.. and slept for couple hours
that's gonna make me dizzy and almost puke!
not fun aaa!!!!!
as i reached and head to the university's financial office and get my fees paid..
and the que.. is so so so so so so so so long...!
kaninia!
spent almost 1 hour and finally done...
as i reached home.. put down my luggage and out for dinner
find my friends and had a drink..
end up i am so fucked up with those alcohol..
glad that i was there..
met a few people and learn something new...
shit! i got to go..!
class time..
BYES!